A federal judge has ruled that Microsoft should be split into two different companies. One company will have the Windows operating system and the other will count Bill Gates' money. - Conan O'Brien
Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is connected to the rhythm of music. They’re both about creating tension and knowing when to let it go. I’m always surprised when somebody funny is not musical. - Conan O'Brien
There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized. - Conan O'Brien
Applaud my idiocy. - Conan O'Brien
Thirty-five things have to go wrong for the best thing to happen in your career - Conan O'Brien
If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall,people will think you're drunk. - Conan O'Brien
It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention. - Conan O'Brien
When all else fails, there's always delusion. - Conan O'Brien
A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh. - Conan O'Brien